I am all about building happy, stress free and trusting marriages.
Many people who are married endure stress in their marriages because they complicate their lives. Here is a question that can lead to less stress; are you committed to your marriage or your spouse?
When we get married we say that we have made a commitment till death do we part. But to what are we committed to?
In a sense one can be committed to their marriage or one can be committed to their spouse.
When one is committed to their marriage, they may tend to work on only those things in their marriage that will keep the marriage going. They will not do anything to “rock the boat”. They are focused on appearances, being the perfect family, couple. They may tend to want to appear together in public because that’s what committed couples do. They may also tend to display affection publicly. They will discuss household shopping and school fees but probably not the deeper personal topics.
When one is committed to their spouse, then they want to work towards the betterment of their partner. They want them to be happy, they want them to feel secure and safe. They want to deepen the trust between them. They are aware of the needs and expectations of the spouse and deliberately work to meet these.
One will find that the couple that is committed to their marriage has less warmth, less connection. They are operating on the premise of fake it till we make it. They may not be totally honest with each other, as they don’t want to hurt and therefore threaten their marriage. They go thru the motions but there is no spirit. They are together because society, family, religion, etc. demands it, but they don’t really love each other. Or they may be together because it’s simply just convenient.
The ones who are committed to their spouses have passion for each other, they are not afraid of conflict because they understand that resolving issues brings them closer. They will argue with passion and make up with passion. They may tend to spend a lot more time doing things that bring them both happiness, but are also not afraid to engage in different hobbies separately.
In the life of our marriages, we will all go through times when we feel that we can’t stand our partners and only holding on to the marriage(the vows) keeps us from walking away. We will also have those moments when we are overwhelmed by a sense of intense attraction and admiration towards our spouses and their happiness becomes our focus.
And either way is ok – really
The question right now is – can you tell whether you are committed to your spouse or your marriage?
Being clear on how you stand will relieve you off a lot of stress as you then take responsibility of your commitment and make the deliberate choices that will build your marriage, whichever way